Right. I have about ten blog posts drafted up of my travels, with travelling being my number one passion, coupled with writing i dont know why they take me so long to finalise and publish. I really find that my passion mostly is to write about the kind of daily shit that goes on in life itself. AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. I can tap away on my laptop in true keyboard warrior fashion in about 30 minutes, signed sealed SENT to the cyber world, in the hope of reach to those perhaps going through the same sort of period in their life, or feeling the same kind of thoughts. Its almost become my sort of therapy. Like i have said before, some people go to the gym, some talk to their friends, normal people go out and get annihilated…well me? I like to do just this. Post an essay sized rant to me, from me- and maybe the 5 people who may or may not read this.
Some background, it’s summer in Dubai, its 40 degrees outside and my roster this month has consisted of reserve meaning i am basically not leaving the country unless i am called out. The upside? LOADS of days off to erm, get out of bed, make the bed, then lie back on it and watch countless tv series, and think, and boy oh boy get lost in those thoughts. The downside? The same.
Its been a funny old year, usually the years consist of all the highs, all the lows, and all of the inbetween ‘stuff’. But this year, yeah im going to just put it out there and say that those low parts were pretty god damn shite. Apologies for swearing, but there’s not really a more appropiate describing word. Without diving into all the ongoings here, i would like to note that coming to the end of this ‘MEH’ year, i have become to understand that there is some sort of blessing that comes from these rather despondent times. And i truly believe that when you can start to see those blessings, and appreciate that the happenings have been by way of teaching us lessons, then some sort of healing is being occurred, without you even realising it.
The title of this blog sums it up. People will leave? Let them! For the best part of this year i was so emotionally attached to situations and people surrounding them. Wanting explanations, wanting to understand the reasons WHY. Why you stopped being my friend, why things ended the way they did? Why did that have to happen, at that time and why now? The more i focused my thoughts on these questions i knew i would never find the answer to, the more hurt i causing myself, and the more it sent me in to a flurry of self analysis and actually, admittedly a little bit of self loathing. THIS WASNT ME. That is not the person that i grew to become, and i was appauled that i let people, and situations make me feel this way. Then i realised. Nobody caused me to feel anything, this was the doing of nobody but myself. Whatever peoples perceptions, and behaviours are towards you- 99% of the time its a reflection on them. And NADA to do with you.
And thats when i started to understand, this ‘process’. And became to comprehend the lessons i was evidently meant to learn this year. Being quite the fiery little ‘Madame’ at times, unable to keep my mouth shut, hurdle jump leap and then 100 metre sprint to conclusions, i have all the patience in the world and then absolutely none at the blink of an eye. I had a lot of time to reflect upon those conditioned ‘ways’ over the last few months. And the months spent couped up indoors during those baking 50 degree summer days. Cabin crew is the best job in the world for the endless amount of days off you have to truly find your calling in life passions and life purpose. And then take those ideas and shine in the ‘normal’ world. But when we’re not doing just that, we have far too much time on our hands to think ourselves down a somewhat dark path. Learn to acknowledge, regain self awareness, clarity and then MOVE ON WITH A MOTHER FUCKING SPRING IN YOUR STEP FORWARDS!
Hence me writing the majority of these posts. Waffling on.
I’m thinking this one is a strong TBC…